Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
