I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
