im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
