You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
