my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
