what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize