dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it was like eating out sand paper
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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