dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
