she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
