and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
