At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
