im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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