My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
