I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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