JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
