We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
