HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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