You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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