I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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