You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
