woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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