No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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