I think I died a long time ago.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
