two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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