Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize