Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize