he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
