Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
