I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you would pick up someone in the library
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
as a side note pls kill me
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