a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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