A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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