what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
