Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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