Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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