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I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think my moral compass just broke
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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