i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
