Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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