When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
