I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
