woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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