New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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