Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize