I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
