this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
