addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
