he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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