You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
