it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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