i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
