Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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