the condom got lost in my hair
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
