Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I believe in your delicious
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
