so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
