Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
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I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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