the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
