he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he was CRYING into my vagina
my shit smells like andre
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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