I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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