why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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