I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
