It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
