some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
