do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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