i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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