Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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