You work out of a Hotel?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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