I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
