You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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